Victim Mentality: How To Get Free Fast

A victim mentality is one of the most sabotaging mindsets you can have as a Christian. It will keep you stuck in a old, limiting identity with no power or momentum. As a Christian coach, I deal with this very forcefully in my clients lives because I have seen this mindset absolutely destroy people’s callings and destiny.

What I have found over and over again is this a victim mentality rooted in un-forgiveness that began in childhood. It could have been a set of traumatizing wounds that give way to people embracing shame as an identity. Sometimes there can even be a inter-generational spirit of un-forgiveness, blame shifting and victimization that has been passed down.

This can also be in people groups where there has been systemic oppression and persecution such as slavery with the African American community, the holocaust with the Jews and Native American’s. This is a spiritual fact that must be dealt with in repentance, prayer and right action not a ideology that can be erased through teaching. The wrong must be acknowledged so people feel understood but then the ownership has to be applied personally for them to be equipped to multiply properly.

A victim mentality will keep you focused on external circumstances that are out of your control rather than your inner identity in Christ which will empower you. Your identity in Christ is always now. Today is the day of your salvation. God uses what is in your hand currently to bring you increase. As you give abundantly, you receive abundantly.

Your identity in Christ: Reconciliation, peace, love and supernatural power despite how you perform or the circumstances you find yourself in. This is your inheritance=>

  1. When people offend, disappoint, disrespect, lie and speak ill, you can ask God to forgive them for hurting you. (You are valuable to the Lord so you have to pray and ask the Lord to forgive and not hold this against them in judgment)
  2. You choose to connect with the people who have hurt you and not cut them off. Forgiveness will always keep doors of communication open even in frustrating circumstances. The Bible does tell us to remove ourselves from fellowship if someone calls themselves a Christian but has unrepentant idolatry in their life. However, that is after you have gone to them personally and taken another leader to them to confront them in love. When they ask for forgiveness, we are commanded to forgive them. God isolates as correction for a period of time to bring people into repentance. It’s not supposed to be a long-term punishment because we are still bitter.
  3. You communicate quickly and clearly when there is offense or misunderstanding when the issue is small (almost so minute you would over look it). You resist passive aggressive behaviors where you hold in how you feel until you absolutely explode and then you retreat like a hermit into a shell for days.
  4. You resist rehearsing the pain in your mind and what you could’ve said, should’ve said that would’ve been really witty and help you feel in control and empowered. Instead when the enemy reminds you of the pain you say out of your mouth, I forgive and bless you. Trusting God to defend you.
  5. You share with people how they hurt you when asked instead of just convincing yourself that it doesn’t matter. However, you don’t look for opportunities to shame them publicly.
  6. You don’t allow pity to become an identity. When people ask you how you’re doing, you choose to reframe the pain in a positive faith filled way on where you’re going not on your current pain.
  7. I don’t cover for other people’s sin. I clearly state the truth but let it be known that I have forgiven them. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse people’s behavior it just extends the same grace you want to get back from God for yourself.
  8. I have a vision that energizes me, gives me hope and a future. Un-forgiveness will keep you in a place of “poor me”. You will always be thinking about the past, your former glory and how you could have done so much better if you wouldn’t have gotten the short end of the stick. Forgiveness will empower you for a future vision.
  9. I trust people to do what they say they are going to do. Un-forgiveness creates a suspicion and cynicalness that prevents you from building new healthy relationships.
  10. You expect resurrection power where there has been pain. God’s identity is to turn your misery into your message in his timing. For you to emerge from your battle without the smell of smoke on you!

Ready for a prayer of deliverance from a victim mentality? It’s your identity to be bold & multiplying the message that came out of your pain!

Lord Jesus,

Luke 1:37 – For with God nothing shall be impossible. I thank you that you use all things for your glory if we pray and release the outcome to you. Today, I bring all the places that have made me feel less then. The places that have taken me to the grave. The places I have trouble believing you could actually make me an overcomer in. Lord, you raise us to sit with you in the heavenlies. Raise this place in my life up so that I can glorify you with my story. You are the alpha. You are the Omega. You began the work and you will finish it. I declare RESURRECTION LIFE over the death that has tried to destroy me and the one’s I love. Let your name be lifted up. The name that is above every name! Jesus Christ! Amen!

If you would like to join me for more specific training and prayers on how to build a forgiving, overcoming identity, you can find them here on our shopping page. 

Love, Bec:)

Becky Harmon is the founder and CEO of Successnotsabotage Coaching, located outside Atlanta, Ga. Gifted with a strong teaching and training mission, she has coached, spoken and ministered throughout the United States and overseas. She is a sought-after identity coach and speaker and has authored more than six books. Whether training on how to apply your identity in Christ, pray and break people out of victimization thinking, or multiply your influence authentically, Becky equips Christians for a demonstration of practical power. She transitions pastors, churches and marketplace leaders, into new identities and impact in their sphere of influence. No matter how stuck you have been, Becky will show you how to begin to use what the enemy sabotaged you with for the glory of God.

2 thoughts on “Victim Mentality: How To Get Free Fast

  1. WoW! This is so powerful. You’ve caught me walking in some of this behavior and I hadn’t even realized it! I’ll be thinking through and re-framing some particular circumstances so I might work through forgiveness. I thought I had forgiven and left “it” at the cross but somehow certain scenarios keep creeping up and affecting me dressed in pity, pain, sadness, loneliness. Truthfully, 1-5 are HUGE in my life and I need to take another look. Numbers 7 and 10 are seriously where God is nudging me. I’m fearful that sharing my story and hurts will cause a ripple effect that will unintentionally hurt others although it’s necessary for my healing. The backlash is a cloak of shame that keeps us all from moving forward. I’m already disconnected from everyone so why is it even a concern for me? The cost of resurrection power is great, isn’t it? Jesus knew it.

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