One of the biggest challenges I have seen my clients struggle with over the years is not knowing how to process emotional pain and stress correctly. It’s probably one of the most important things you can put in place in your life because it affects how your children respond to rejection, change, and stress. Will they choose to medicate themselves during pain or will they turn to God and actions that will help them make right decisions.
I believe this is one of the make or break issues for maintaining a bold identity and also overcoming spiritual warfare, so I wanted to break this down practically for you. First, in life, no one is immune to pain. It’s only a matter of time before your heart get’s broken, you experience financial stress, or you simply can’t manage one more activity due to your schedule. Somethings got to give, and typically this is the breaking point in people’s leadership model. They let go of what they know they need to do to stay healthy.
Your leadership model is what you do consistently, every single day to help you function at your best and stay focused on the goals God have given you. Usually, when people tell me they struggle with double-mindedness or inconsistent, they have never been taught to put their leadership model into place and make that their number one priority for the day.
And here’s what I want you to know, if you grew up in an addiction based or shame-based home, you most likely FEEL GUILTY for implementing your leadership model without compromise. In other words in fear-based or shame-based home, there is NO LEADERSHIP because the idol takes precedent and everyone in the family enables to keep it in place. If you try and keep your leadership model in place and resist the enabling, you are told you’re selfish! So, it’s important for you to know that NORMAL is to have a leadership model and prioritize that because it helps you stay emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy.
I have three things I ask a client to do when they begin in my Leadership program. The first is to get up at 5 am to read the word and have a sweet prayer time. (That means you have to go to bed earlier). The second is to block 30 to 60 minutes for exercise before their day begins because it boosts their metabolism and helps them avoid internalizing stress. (Introverts are famous for over thinking and exercising forces them to work off repressing emotions). The last is to write down their vision they want to accomplish for the year because without a clearly written vision; you will never say NO to things that distract you. Most likely if you are struggling with people pleasing, you have not implemented your leadership model consistently, or you feel guilty for doing so.
Here are five steps to take when you begin to experience sabotaging circumstances that are causing you emotional pain.
- Prioritize your prayer time and exercise without guilt. It goes into the I WILL DO THIS UNLESS I AM BLEEDING FROM A MAJOR ARTERY. Prayer and exercise are the two things that will equip you to navigate this situation and make good decisions through it. It is also much easier to keep your emotions under control when you are channeling them.
- Do not think over and over again about the past. What went wrong, what you should have said, what you could’ve done better. It’s faith forward! Pray and ask God what steps to take to help you resolve your situation and take those actions with confidence that you prayed and God works for good what the enemy means for evil.
- Pick out a scripture to keep your faith-focused. When you find yourself worrying or projecting what could go wrong, confess this scripture out loud. If you have to do it 100 times a day, do it.
- When people ask you what they can do for you to help, let them. I have two rules during stress. I only tell people who I know will pray and can do something practical to help me. The truth is, we are a family in Christ. Families support each other during stress. Don’t push people away when you’re hurting. It is sabotaging for you and them.
- Offer to pray with people and to walk with them personally. It makes a difference. What I find is people begin to UNLOAD the pain during prayer, walking, running because it helps them start to let go of the control they have been locking down the pain with. I have seen absolute miracles from these two practical things and you will too.