I’m thankful to live in out in the country with my horses, wake up every day to pray for my family and clients and to have a business that is kingdom focused. I have a fiercely loyal husband as well as inner circle of friends, but that doesn’t mean I have never felt isolated and alone.
Feeling Alone Can Sometimes Come From Standing For The Truth But It’s Worth Every Bit Of Tension
I recently had a client come to me and share with me that she was going through a terrible situation with someone in their family who was making wrong decisions. It was breaking her heart.
She was struggling with tremendous anxiety and second guessing because this situation wasn’t getting any better. She told me she knew they needed support, but they were stuck in not knowing what to do, fearing what people would think and frankly she was afraid of having to be the “bad guy.”
I have felt this a couple of times in my life and can be paralyzing. My Father died an alcoholic after many of my attempts to encourage him to get help and even as a mother of four children; I have experienced the pain of rebellion and decisions that brought us great anguish.
However, because I have always followed a particular model in my life when those around me are making poor decisions, I am thankful to say I came out the other side with more grace on my life and experiencing the resurrection part to my pain and you can too IF YOU MAKE THE CHOICE I will reveal to you.
I have used this process again and again in my life and to help my clients build new identities. Not too bad for someone who had no business or seminary training. I have built this message through Christ, and that’s why it has power. You will find the same when you begin to multiply your message practically.
But here’s the thing. I knew when I launched my business; I wasn’t going to partner anymore with people who wanted to be victims. I didn’t care how brilliant, famous they were, or if they had celebrity status. I wasn’t going to support it in my family, friendships or business. And let me tell you, I got some flack.
Becky, you’re not compassionate. Jesus was forgiving. Becky, you don’t want to hang around those who are less successful than you. You’re prideful, asking too much and being demanding. You’re this, you’re that. But here’s the thing.
Sometimes people are so stuck in their old identity and the emotional pay-out from positioning themselves as victims of circumstances and even the “devil” that the longer you placate them or stay silent about their idolatry, the more emeshed they get in it. In addiction training, they call this enabling.
And here’s what happens when we don’t require those we are in covenant with to be consistent with who they say they are to the rest of the world.
We end up resenting the person we are trying to serve. Then we have to harden our hearts or self-medicate ourselves.
We protect them from having to mature from their failures and grow up in Christ.
We prioritize their idolatry over our health, joy and peace.
We end up internalizing the fear and anger we feel, and we feel further confused. It affects our finances, our walk with God and our witness. We slide deeper into hopelessness and despair.
We live a lie and we wonder why we can’t move into the goodness God has for us.
I know some people call this is a disease, and yes, you’re right it is a disease. It’s called the disease of sin. We all have it. Lust, pride, addictions, we all can submit to this illness that breaks the covenant, destroys the next generation and dilutes any power of God on our lives.
God has a remedy for this. It’s called repentance, turning our face to him in worship and accountability. If they will not repent and choose God rather than the sin, they need a lot more pain. Is that okay to say?
Pain makes them hit bottom and finally look up to God and tell him, I am open to hearing that my mindsets have not served me well and I’m ready for you to renew mine. I want to be a new creation and not go back to this bondage. I appreciate what I have been given, and I don’t want to lose it.
The truth is there are times you are going to feel isolated because you’re the only one in the room who is standing for the truth.
It breaks my heart, and that is much of why teams are a foundation of my business today. God set’s the isolated in spiritual family. When you choose to build a new identity, you’re going to have to have people around you who desire to live a purposed life as much as you do. Living purposely requires a personal discipline. God takes living in a restrained, honorable way seriously. For more reading scripturally on this, go to Exodus 32. So don’t come under Satan’s condemnation that you are harsh because you won’t compromise your leadership and identity for others who don’t know theirs.
The Fear Of Loss Can Be Paralyzing
We are afraid to lose the one’s we love. However, sometimes we are so afraid of loss that we never call people up to who they can become. We don’t want to have more faith in Satan’s ability to bind than in God’s ability to set people free.
This belief that people won’t change is a poverty mentality rooted in doubt and fear. People do change, but the change only comes when the people closest stop enabling and refuse to compromise anymore on their own identity. If you’re a Christian, that’s peace, righteousness, and joy. If they choose not to accept help then you have to disconnect yourself from the ensuing chaos they will experience as a result of their idolatry, or you will be sucked into the black hole with them.
If I stand up for the truth, everything will explode
This is a lie. It typically comes from the fear of the unknown. When we don’t confront people’s poor choices is usually because we fear the ensuing emotional toil we are going to pay. Either rejection, anger, belittlement, financial loss or fear of others will say.
Enabling is a false peace and security. You don’t have peace. You have you juggling control balls in the air but rest assured at some point, you won’t be able to keep them moving. And don’t think Satan isn’t crafty at this time bringing up all the times that you fell short as a spouse, parent, friend, boss. Peace is available to you, but it’s a fruit of right choices, right relationship with God and boundaries that protect everyone. If you’re a leader, your responsibility is to safeguard the whole team and family, not just one person.
What you do in crisis says a lot about you and the story you come away with after one
Individuals who finish and overcome are typically those who face the facts rather than denying it, focus on solving the problem and execute action consistently. Also, this is when understanding your identity in Christ can make the difference between sabotage or success. The more your identity is in how people perceive you, your looks, your material possessions or your expectations of how the situation needs to be resolved for you to feel satisfied, the less likely you are to make right decisions.
Also, some of the best lessons learned are when you learn to trust your intuition and question those in authority. Some people are superb at acting confident or sharing with you their creditionals and why you should believe them. Don’t confuse certifications with credibility gained from experience. Here’s a great question to ask someone who wants to mentor you through your crisis.
Tell me the greatest obstacle God has helped you overcome and the victory you gained out of it.
Sit back and watch what comes out of their mouth. You’re either going to be filled with faith by their testimony and get support in the right place or you’re going to close your wallet and move onto interviewing the next mentor.
Have you experienced this situation? What did you learn out of it? See you in the comments below!
Helping you pray, coach, speak and write for HIS glory, Bec:)
Becky Harmon is an identity coach, intercessor and business leader. Her success in these arenas has placed her in demand as a personal advisor to ministry and marketplace leaders world-wide. Her personal experience of growing up in an alcoholic home, struggling with how to overcome food & alcohol addictions, depression, and financial sabotages through her identity in Christ rather than self-help, led her to develop her own out of the box coaching systems. To discover the specific attacks that accompany each part of your walk with Christ and the strategies you can implement to be an overcomer, order 4 Phases of Spiritual Warfare. Available on Amazon and Kindle.